-Well it feels like a year maybe it is. But I'm back on line again. YAY! I have a pretty shiny pink laptop now :D
Am really happy with a few exceptions grrrr I'm on face book and one of my friends has put ugly fat huge hippo photo's of me up and it's really pissed me off. I don't look like that anymore. I was going through such a hard time back then. and I dont know how to get rid of them i think i'm going to just delete my account if I cant get rid of them. I worked really hard to get back into shape that year and I got down to a size 12 and i took pics of me and put them up on here. Well i've started to put the weight back on again but seeing those pic's of me back then has made me want to get fit again. So maybe it's for a good reason.
I'm very conscious of how i look and i think i'm a bit shallow in the fact that i'm insecure how others see me too. It's due to society that i feel this way.
I still haven't forgiven GOSH yet and this is something i'm still working on. While living in that hospital i was so scared of loosing my daughter that i was punishing myself by eating crap foods and i went up to a size 18 That hen holiday i went on wasnt that long after.
It's the past but apart i'd like to forget. Yet it still keeps popping up. And the reason why is due to recurring pattens and that's due to me not forgiving GOSH.
*I forgive GOSH, i release you, i hold no un-forgiveness back, you are free, i am free.*
Ok slight change in plans LOL Still moving to Brighton but with no money LOL I applied to the housing there though and all they need is a letter from nick explaining why me and abs cant live there anymore. OK so my head went abit off the rails as usual about me thinking all I do is sell the house and I get all the money LOL
It sells and the money left goes on the morgage and so on as nick cant afford to pay anymore and whats left over i'm giving to abs for her future.
And when the devorce is settled then I will get a settlement. But untill then me and abs are skint lol
I'm hoping to get back online again soon too. So can keep in contact more then.
Take care all.
Oh found out something about life the other day for myself....
Never rely or depend or exspect or put your happiness, hopes and dreams on anyone or anything. Cause if it's not there anymore you will have nothing left for yourself.
So now even if I get married again I will not give myself fully to that person.
But thats just me.
I believe only your true self can give you all these things.
Once you find it in yourself then can you have everything.
I'm off to Brighton to look for a place to live and srat a fresh new life.
I've got 70 grand cash to play with so i'm going to give 50 keep 20 as a safety net and bortrow the rest from the bank and pay a small morgage a month. I'm looking for somewhere for about 125 150 grand I work out that the place will be all mine and I'm going to get into the property ladder so I'm going to live just outside brighton for a few years wait for the area and prises to go up then move. If I keep doing this it's possiable to finally get somewhere with no morgage. I've found property developers to guide me and help me out so I have nothing to worry about.
I have decided to become a Samaritan Volunteer so I can help others and guide others to a better happiness and way of life.
I have always helped people as much as I could and as I haven't had a computer for a long time I haven't been around so I have found it hard to communicate on here. But that dosent stop me for helping people face to face or over the phone so that's what I'm going to do. And when I have my computer up and running I will be helping people online too.
I have known for a long time that my destiny lies in helping others but I needed to help myself first before I could become a Samaritan.
I know how to not let things get me down and others get me down.
I have found it's all about know what drama's people are in and what to do to get them out of it. It's about need....need of energy that keeps us alive. We struggle for it and fight for it and create drama's for it and it's to do with power. The more energy you have the better you feel.
Thats why you get highs and lows. you take peoples enery or they take yours
But if you learnt how to give your enery instead of this continious battle for it we would all be the same energy. *ONE*
THATS PURE HAPPINESS
You give energy when you love someone or care about someone deeply and when you do this to the other person you will see them glow. And they give you that energy back so then you are both in what is called and continious energy flow. *Euphoria* Or *in love* It's a rush of energy you both share with eachother.
Thats also why wer enjoy sex. just to get this energy feeling
but some times only one person gets this *Euphoria* and thats cause only one is giving energy and the other is taking it.
It's taken me over a year to find this and explains why I fall in love and out of love all the time. Cause infact i'm getting energy and not getting energy.
I am now learning to give my energy to others all the time and learning not to fall inlove at first sight.
Its the heart we should fall inlove with *LOVE* the heart energy.
TWO HEARTS LIVING IN JUST ONE MIND
phill collins knew lol
Love to all of you and
A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TISA
Love you hunny
Sending my energy to each and everyone of you
I have one questions to all that reads this.
Tell me something. What do you want? what do you really want? no erms if's but's forget that. No excuses or thinking you cant have this.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? ANYTHING???? EVERYTHING???? IN YOUR LIFE??????
Just thought i'd pop by and say hi to all that reads my journal. I have been kinda busy for a while with sorting out moving to brighton. I keep bumping into old friends too and new ones. I really feel i'm here to help people that walks into my life. I use to help people as much as I could on the net but I don't have the net anymore so I find that difficult.
I will say this though, I will never forget anyone I have had the pleasure of meeting and becoming friends with on or off the net. I believe we all met for a reason and the reason I now believe is. We all give messages to one another. Answers to questions we seek in life. This could be in any form fit for understanding. I understand now and look for messages in my life each day and I get them and use them wisely
Just today before coming here I met a lovely women and her son and they came to me for help and I helped them the way I know best. I told them of books that have turned my life around totally.
The Secret
The Celestine Prophecy
These 2 books have change mine and abs life around totally and helped me in ways I never thought possible. I have found everything I wished for. We are the happiest we have ever been and when you find this happiness this love inside for yourself. The world and people around you start to change.
I Thank everyone and everything I believe in everyone and everything
I am so happy and grateful for everything that is in my life right now and everything that comes into my life and cause I know how life works now I make it the best of my ability.
I send all that I know and all that reads this love Energy cause thats all we need.
Love for ourselves and for others
Always
JUJU
XX
Good Friends are like angels you don't have to see them to know they are there
He lives in Brighton, is a student of my dada's and my dada is teaching him to be a teacher then marster in ti chi. He has even started teaching others himself. I'm so happy for him. He is a younger version of my dada. He believes in the same beliefs as me. He beat me at drafts lol He's so funny, energetic, romantic, honest, beautiful,sexy intelligent man. tall and he wants me to move to brighton.
Infact everyone I've met at Brighton wants me and abs move.
I've always wanted to live in Brighton and now I want too even more than ever. It's Mine and abs destany.
David took me out friday evening with fred a fab french girl was amazing we went round viv's for dinner. Met so many beautiful people who are now my friends too. We all went to a fantastic bar after and we stayed till 2am with more friends. Then me david fred had a slow walk home. I practically saw him every day. We are so close. I really like him. I wrote him a beautiful letter which he loved and we are going to stay in touch.
every morning loads of us meet at this special café then go to the beach or somewhere else exciting. Or just stay at the café. This is who I am, this is where I belong.
It's not like other cafe's its where magic happens. its and in door out door café which has no music but you can play the guitar that's there and jam. Or read or play games.
The other day I was singing with this guy playing guitar. Was so cool.
Obviously Abs being with me mostly all the time also loved her stay at brighton. She met 2 special friends. fate and juliet
Friends I made in just under two weeks
David lov him lots spent lots of time together he even walked with me abs and my dada to the coach station.
steven and lulu lovely girl mother of fate who abs played with everyday. her boyfriends steven. We took them both out to the beach and pool and playground lots.
Met Peter Love her she's an angel
vass and jen I did crystal healing and raki with and dan's vass's fella who has dj with fat boy slim. I also met vass, dan at viv's when we had a meal/bar. Plus vass and jen came over my dada's for a meal and of course david lol
was truly amazing. we watched the celestine prophecy :)
sarah new girl helped her get a job
blaze she fainted on me
viv went to hers with david and fred for a meal
joe works at the famous cafe show chef at cafe jack owns café
amy met a few times at café.
Me and abs hav'ent felt so happy and at home ever before.
Been offered to stay over any time by mostly everyone Awwww
P.S when I get my laptop I'll start commenting and communicating again. Just all I have is my pocket computer. Plus my life is so full and busy that all I use my PC for is to check emails and myspace and sometimes msn messenger.
I had the most joyful day today. I did a meditation under a tree with pine cones all around me in a circle of light and nature. Then I walked on the green bare foot which was covered in clover and daisy's picking up feathers singing and dancing to Bob Sinclare with harmony in my heart. I loved every moment being filled with happiness on this beautiful sunny day. My fave thing was a game I called *Chasing Feathers* you find a feather then hold it in the air and wait for the wind to take it. The best are the white fluffy white angel feathers. Or if you find a big smooth feather then you can keep chasing that one. *The best things in life are free* One of my big feathers kept flying high in the air and spinning around. Later I went to our local market and bought a wooden tree wind chime and two summer hippy dresses. I adore life. Then I went health food shopping... Then home. Now watching *King Arthur's Disasters* which I think is so funny.
i'm workink now as a party host at a bowling alley. we are called the alley cats. I love it. its so much fun. I get to have fun with all the kids party's sing them happy birthday, make model balloons, sing and dance with the kids.
its like being a red coat in buttlins hehe.
well love you all hope all is gping well in your lives.
So much is going on with my life and everyone else's so it seems :D
I have finished decorating abs room :D it only took me 6 months haha. Its fit for a princess now and as thats what she is to me then its perfect for her.
I am very happy with myself and life.
I went away on a weekend Hen night with 10 other girls was amazing :D Had the best time staying in a manchan in bourmothe in the countryside :)
we partied all night poll danced all day and went monkey world well everyone did but me. I stwisted my ankel. (All better now)
PLEASE everyone tell me what you have been up to as i have no computer right now and only check emails where ever i can :)
So spoke to ian and everything is going as plan :) Am excited about going out, not cause its a date but it will be just nice to finally meet and get to know eachother.
I had my second guitar lesson last night. I'm learning the 12 bar blues with a lovely guy who is my teacher. He gave me and abs a lift home last night so that was nice. He offered as i ran out of credit for my phone to phone a cab and he said you can use my phone and in the end he just said. if you want i'll give you a lift. I think i like him.
god men are like busses lol you wait ages for one to arrive then when one does they all come at once lol
My First date in like how many months what seems years lol
The difference here is I'm not going on a date as in a *DATE* I just wanted someone to come with me to go see *The Last Mimzy* so one of my guy mates called ian said he would. It will be nice to meet him and get to know him.
My Life has been good and I've been feeling very posertive for a while now and I guess when its good there isnt much to write about. Except the really good good things.
I consider me going out on a kinda date a good thing. Let you know how it went.
Ok I have been a Greys anatomy fan since it first came out. And every episode has been amazing and I havent missed one episode at all.
BUT HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! why did danny have to die. Its just not fair :( izzy looked so beautiful and i was so happy for her and danny is was so romantic. He asked her to marry him and everything. How can they do that :(
Yes it did get to me.
And the song by snow patrol that has been playing for weeks on the advert clips of grey's so fits the intire series.
Well i have just seen happy feet :D wow! so much in it. Its a very clever and spiritual and charming and magical film about life.
Being different made him special and special made him get heard and noticed and getting heard and noticed created change. Good change.
The moral of this story is everyone is special and different in different ways but others that only follow one way of life will think they are an out cast. You should never change anything about yourself to fit in with others. What you have is much more special and one day when everyone realises that they are all unique then the more special people will be excepted. meaning everyone
Beautiful film :D
More and more films are going to come out about life even the things you dont know or see or believe in you will one day. little by little we are making change.
A good change
just we find it hard to see the good things cause the bad things that happen around us seem easier to see. But beauty and goodness and love and light and laughter and posertive thinking and energy has always been there and soon we will be able to see this more and see the bad and negative things less.
I wish you all the happiness in the world and hope you all have the most magical christmas.
I know I havent commented to you all in ages. But the new year is just around the corner :D I havent forgotten about anyone of you just had alot going on in my life at the time.
This world is going to go through some big changes, infact its already started :D and we are all going to feel it and in turn change too. Its about attraction! So think posertive and talk posertive and believe in your dreams and all your wishies will come true :)
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